Despite the fact that the following article is strictly impartial and does not target a specific brown family, it may appeal to those highly concerned regarding its general perception in the society.
Lets mark the start from the days of childhood.
As statistics state, approximately 110% of the cases of a child birth in a conventional brown family leads to the baby’s parents pre-determining the fate of the new life. Alas, this dispels the possibility of the child showing any sign of “choice” when later confronted with the life decided by the adults. Perhaps, it doesn’t only come down to the already made decisions but also the extents of morality that run in the Asian brown family, (not to mention the comments desi moms have up their sleeves). As crazy as it might sound, the kid’s world might end up in a whirlpool of satirical desi interjections if he ends mustering up the courage to “zabaan chalo-fy”, because obviously,
“Baroun ke samne zaban nai chalatay”
When we do think about it , its a rather paradoxical dilemma. For one, absolutely no one can challenge the extent of spoiling desi kids get (only until they haven’t started zaban chala-ofying in-front of the bare log). You would find this little
Bantu being nosy and what not, and as soon as he breaks Aunty Shumaila’s glass vase, his guardians are right there covering up with,
“Bacha hai na abhi, khudi sudhar jaye ga time ke sath”. Lets face it, time loses all boundaries and contexts when it come to the desi bantu’s “sudharna”. Not to mention that when its finally Bantu’s mom’s own jahaiz ka dinner set that he breaks into pieces,a rather illogical blame game is on the show! Bantu’s mom throws the blame on the father’s “perwarish tactics”, while the oblivious father throws the debris right back on the parathas she fed the little pehlwaan , and of course Bantu’s friends are BAD influence. Eventually, we have a curfew in store which sadly only makes the child rebel against the rules.
Lets roll forward to when the same Bantu enters his teens. ‘Life is never glitter and gold’, thus, he is faced by a new set of hitches along his way.
One of the major psychological obstructions being, “You got to get higher grades than Aunty Salma’s son beta”. And here my friends, the pehlwaan Bantus sets on a ridiculous journey of becoming Billal- solely characterized by the grades and degrees he attains.
It is a pity to witness the irrational dependency of a family’s status and “khandan mai izat” upon the grades of the child.
As long as the grades and marks are flooding in, the kid or rather his family holds an upper hand in the “khandaan”. “Ham to doobay hain sanam tumhein bhi lei doobain gay”; wait till these numbers drop down a bit and “khandaan ki naak gets kato-fied”. Broadly speaking, grades are very significant but its also NOT the end of the world.
Fun fact: Its not just the grades that form an identity for the kid. Short height, dark color, over weight, below weight and a bunch of absurd “traits” start forming the base of the poor kid’s persona as well. From fairness creams to zubaida appa totkas, everyone knows there is“no shaadii frang is not gora enough”.
Eventually when its time to decide the course subjects for a desi brown kid, he’s got a fixed list with no room of argument because “Aunty Salma’s son took medical , he has a car, a house and shaddi-shuda! What would you do with a degree in arts? Sell pakoras on your artwork?”.
Its a shame that such an orthodox attitude only results in the the children losing the ability to utilize their mental potentials in something they love. A study claims that the highest student suicide rates are recorded in Asian countries due to the extremes of psychic pressures from the family. Such physiological constraints and limitations only push the young victims to becoming future slaves, not future leaders.
Skipping to the most interesting yet horrendous stage- shaadi tymz!
It is almost comical how, if a girl misses out on the “ideal shaadi age” (as decided through desi logic), then she is perceived as a burden on that family. This only welcomes grotesque critique from the desi aunties leaving the poor soul in a state of perpetual confusion.The society overwhelms her with inquiries regarding her “pasand” and “relationship” . In an era where women are rising to career heights,it is a misfortune seeing our brown families still treating women conservatively and limiting their lives to “shaadi”.
It’s kind of amusing to witness the vicious cycle of such an Asian family. Having confronted the entire “Brown family dilemma”, instead of being a chain breaker, Bantu, or I shall say Doctor. Bilal goes on treating his own kids, Tipu and Dolly the same, because “Baki Loug bhi to aesay hi hain. Duniya aise hi chalti hai.”
Its time to change my friend. Time to save so many Bantus from losing the fervor of passion for something they would love to do, but circumstances hinder the way. Its time we rise above the criterias set by society. and Shaadi bhi hoti rahe gi, or garian bhi milti rahain gi, linkin zindagi usually aik bar hi milti hai. Choose, and let others choose the life we want to live, not just settle for it.